Bloody Hell
by Ruffluv
Summary: Jasper has been fighting his whole life-is this one battle he can't win. Jasper POV. Some cannon.


**The Seven Deadly Sins ****Twific**** Contest**

**Title: **Bloody Hell

**Author's Name/s: **Ruffluv

**Sin Chosen:** Lust

**Word Count (without header): **2002

**Beta'd by: **Cloe Marrie

**Summary: **Jasper POV. Some cannon details, some not. Jasper's been fighting his whole life. Is this one battle he can't win?

**Warnings:** Watch out for the deadly sins-all 7 of them.

**Disclaimer: **The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Bloody Hell**

**Lust**: A strong desire or drive. Like that for the feel of cold, hard flesh in your hands, at your mouth. I have it.

I have it all. Including that which most would give it all up for: eternal youth. I want for nothing. Well, almost. I even have the dream little lady.

I handle Alice with ease, what with her small size and my vampire strength. I've had my mouth everywhere that's possible on her. We even bite each other sometimes during sex. It's sensational every time, even after sixty years, give or take.

But afterward, I am still not fully satisfied. I still feel somewhat incomplete. You see, my lust is not just for the one I love, and it certainly isn't for any other woman, at least not in the sexual sense.

The feel of soft, _hot_ flesh in my hands, _in _my mouth

My lust is for the one thing that my Alice can't give me; blood.

I was always a bloodthirsty person, even as a human, so my occupation suited me down to the ground. I was in the army—proud to say the youngest major in Texas, no less. Wounding men, killing them in battle. We used guns on horseback against our opponents then, so I didn't get the close contact of the violent acts that I craved.

I compensated for that when I was turned. Maria was the one to do it.

It was a very different type of war I fought with her: The Southern Vampire Wars. I'd help her collect newborns- humans made into vampires to join her forces. I'd hide and jump out at them, try to resist the urge to drain their bodies dry, and take them to her while they were already transforming.

Tiredness was never an issue and I was that much faster, though I'd never been one to hang around, get lazy. Lower serotonin levels now meant I loved the thrill of the kill all the more. The perfect soldier.

There was a hitch though: muggins here got saddled with the special vampiric power of feeling and manipulating the emotions of others. I could feel everything they did when I killed them. That became the real war: my emotions versus my blood lust. In those days, the latter won out every time.

After a year, it was me that would do Maria's dirty work, ending the second lives of the newborns on her orders. I'd befriend them, train them, then suddenly turn on them. I'd snap their necks like the straw under my feet in the barns we trained in. The gauntlet of emotions: trust, comfort, admiration, replaced by confusion, fear, and pain. I could feel them all just as I could when I killed humans now. But there weren't any of the real benefits; ain't no blood in a vampire.

By the time I broke free from Maria, I was almost a savage. I tried to reign in the killing, but the thirst was too strong. And blood don't grow on trees. I was sure I'd always be at war...

Then, in 1948, I walked into a diner. I can still smell the grease, see the people at tables, plunging into platefuls of their food, filling their faces and pouring various blood-free refreshments down their necks-such was their vice.

Amongst all that petty sin, I met my angel. A precious, dinky little package of gusto.

"You kept me waiting long enough," was her opening line.

"My apologies, ma'am," was my natural response.

She held out her hand and I took it.

Alice had been awaiting my arrival; she had the power of being able to see the future—_yeah, I couldn't have gotten something like that…_

She had seen other glimpses of our future, one where I would end up being part of a seven-strong family, living a 'vegetarian' lifestyle—that is, living on the blood of animals only. That which never truly fills you. We all had our analogies; tofu to a meat-eater, virgin cocktails to an alcoholic, methadone to a hardened heroin user…

In much the same way, the obtaining was a poor substitute for the thrill of a good old-fashioned murder, no matter how much the four-legged prey fought back_. The fantasies I had about Alice and I in a sexed-up feeding frenzy—sharing, kissing and swallowing. _Still, it was a step-up action wise from the odd stolen hospital bag, courtesy of my doctor father, Carlisle.

Another benefit of my dad being a doctor was that he could help me understand my urges—the biology behind them. He told me that the neural pathways involved when we feasted on blood were the same as that of someone hooked on drugs. _My name is Jasper Hale and I'm an addict…_

They made it look so easy; it wasn't. For me, it was a constant uphill struggle, acting like a normal teenager day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Going to school, to college. So many times I'd pass fellow students in the corridor, or sit next to them in class, craving the red syrupy goodness in their veins, calculating how quickly I could tear through their skin.

But I couldn't afford any slip-ups. Came with the territory when your better half could see your mistakes before you made them. On top of that, there was the whole eye thing; if I went carnivorous again, so to speak, the topaz color of my eyes would be replaced with a vermillion red—dead giveaway. Excuse my word play.

Plus, I _wanted_ to do the right thing. _I know; what's the point?_ Carlisle and my brother, Edward, thought that we were damned in the next life, regardless of what we did in this one. _What good is spiritual progression when you don't have a soul?_

In spite of this, similarly to them, I sought to be the best being I could.

So, lions and tigers and bears it was! But Alice was worth it. My adopted family was worth it. Leading a worthwhile life—the one I'd been given was worth it. I battled on.

Things did get somewhat easier as time passed.

And then Edward brought his human home…

Bella was the name of Edward's lady friend. I felt like the dunce of the house when the others had to explain to her that I hadn't abstained from human blood as long as them, which was why I appeared a little…anxious.

But the introductions were made. I didn't maul her_. Result! But man, her blood!_ It smelled beauteous_! That's a word these days, right? Who cares?_ I understood her appeal to Edward, but at the same time, I wondered how he could stand it. I wondered how _I_ was gonna stand it.

Alice was confident I wasn't going to hurt Bella, but it was a confidence I didn't entirely share. It didn't aid my cause that bashful Bella's cheeks colored a lot, like dangling raw meat in front of a famished dog. And she was accident prone—had trouble getting from A to B without drawing blood. _Throw that into the mix, why don't ya?_

The new couple went steady and I found myself growing fond of Bella, just like the rest of them were. We even had her back when some 'bad vamps' came to town and tried to snack on her—_if I wasn't getting some, they sure as hell weren't!_

I empathized with Bella's feelings of being an outsider and sometimes I stepped in to help her handle the negative emotions that came with that; embarrassment, hopelessness, even rage - just as I had to control mine. I sensed there was something good about her—pure. _Like I'm sure her blood was. Who was I kidding?_ I still wanted it. Bad.

And I nearly had it.

It was her eighteenth birthday. Alice insisted on hosting a party for her at our home. It happened during the present opening portion of the evening. She was breaking the seal of the envelope from Carlisle and Esme, my mother and father.

I could make out the sound of the sharp-edged paper slicing into her fragile flesh. The image of the crimson drop creating a stream down her digit was fired onto my brain. I could almost taste the metallic tang it would provide. Its pungent aroma overpowered that of the flowers and the burning wicks of the candles covering the room.

I froze, eyes wide. A fraction of a second later, my instincts kicked in. I lunged.

Large limbs stopped me in my tracks, though I thrashed powerfully in their strong hold.

Her small form flew across the room, smashing into furniture. More blood. A bigger assault on my senses.

I was hauled away, shamed.

Afterward, needless to say, I was upset with myself. Especially when Edward said he wanted us to move on—without Bella. He believed he couldn't be with her without bringing danger to her and he refused to change her.

Fortunately, we persuaded him to stay, saying we'd just have to be more careful in the future; it was easy for us vamps to forget how even mundane, everyday happenings—the opening of an envelope—could shed the blood of a human. I didn't think I could ever forgive myself if I'd caused their separation. Everyone, including the still intact couple were so compassionate towards me about what happened, but that kinda made me feel worse.

_Was I always going to feel this way? Was it worth the hardship if I felt so inadequate anyway?_

I was having a shocker. I'd woken up early with a raging hunger that the roaring feline Emmett and I found down in the woods today just didn't cure. _Kitty cats' not gonna cut it,_ my dark dweller whispered.

School was no picnic either. On top of the usual challenges, it seemed like every student and their best bud had some sort of conspiracy going against me: gash on the football field here, lab accident there. Blood may as well have been cascading down the walls of Forks High like in that horror movie, The Shining.

I was scared I'd fall off the wagon, but Alice had assured me she hadn't seen anything bad. Fear is a strong motion, but so was the hope she always gave me.

Alice and I hadn't had time for sex yet today to take the edge off, which is ironic; since I was under the impression our kind had all the time in the world…

With the house to myself, I was thinking about taking matters into my own hands when my biggest challenge on two legs walked through the door.

She was flushed, like she was excited and had hurried here on a whim, her life fluid rushing to the surface of her skin. Venom filled my mouth in preparation for the sweet, coppery hit I so needed. Her scent was stronger somehow. _Another accident? Her monthly visitor?_

She spun back around—must have seen the desperation in me for what she carried within _her_, what she'd brought me. Like some sick, unannounced delivery service.

There was no cape, no swooping; I set upon her in an undignified, ungraceful manner. Like the starved man I effectively was, the druggie going after his dopamine high.

I had her down on the floor, about to do the deed when Edward, ever her knight in shining armor, interrupted.

"Jasper, stop!"

_Who's the party pooper this time?_

I peered up at him, all frantic—panicked.

I waited for the words: "Jasper, you're better than this!" "Jasper, I love her!"

Or for the rest of the cavalry to arrive and carry me away again.

"She's mine!"

_There it is._

Then, a beat of silence—a lifetime for a vampire stopped in the process of feeding.

"You can share."

_Come again?_

With that, he crouched down and joined me, looming over his love.

Seems I wasn't the only one who'd lost to Lady Lust.


End file.
